Important NYC Checklists

Conversation at a Party

1) Where do you work?

2) What train is that off of?

3) Where do you live?

4) What train is that off of?

5) Oh nice, that’s not a bad commute!


Workday Lunch Options

1) Bowl comprising of a grain, a protein, and two sides

2) Single meatball parm hero, serves 5

3) $18 build your own salad

4) Cold chicken you made on Sunday night in a fit of anxiety


Things to Make Sure You Have Before Leaving Apartment

1) Keys

2) Wallet

3) Phone

4) Earbuds

5) Portable charger

6) Overflowing recycling bag 7) Overflowing garbage bag 8) Did I say keys?

9) Shoot, keys, just to be safe 10) Keys, where are th-?

11) Keys, OK we’re good



1) Craigslist user

2) Guy you went to high school with

3) Girl you went to college with

4) Guy that’s kinda dating girl you went to college with though he’s not on the lease

4) Seriously, what is going on there, should we have a meeting?

5) Ugh, it’s whatever


Conversation with Stranger on Subway



Conversation Ordering from Coffee Cart

1) One medium coffee, black please

2) No, no cream

3) No, no sugar


Sporting Events to See

1) Yankees vs. Mets at Yankee Stadium 2) Knicks vs. Nets at MSG

3) Rat vs. rat at 14th St. Subway Station


Things to Do Before Jaywalking

1) Look left

2) Look right

3) Look left

4) Look right

5) Look left

6) Look right

7) Yell “We got this, c’mon.”


Moving Apartments

1) Call a moving company

2) Find out you procrastinated too long

3) Ruin four of your closest friends’ day


Leaving New York

1) Say you’re thinking about LA

2) Never do anything



Originally Appeared in: 
Issue Appeared In: 
Second Coming #2